Finding Common Ground
by A Thing For Brothers
Summary: Companion piece to Know Your Mind. Charlie and Don fight over how Don lost touch after college. Memories remind them of how close they've been in the past. Will they be able to find that common ground once more?
1. Charlie Looks Back

**This is the companion piece to "Know Your Mind." It begins after Charlie ran out of the hospital in the episode Vector. Again, it can be read by itself without watching the episode. Its main focus is Don and Charlie. **

**Enjoy and please review!**

**Charlie's POV**

I walked outside of the hospital, realizing I would have no ride if I didn't go back to Don. No matter. I could see a telephone booth across the street, next to a bus stop. I decided to call Larry.

I had to wait several minutes before I could cross the street. Heavy traffic flew past me. I walked quickly across the street, not wanting to spend any more time in the street than I had to.

I dug in my pocket until I found two quarters. I dialed Larry's cellphone number. I asked him to pick me up and, when he agreed, I told him where I was. Promising to be there in half an hour, we hung up.

I sank down in the bench of the bus stop. There was no way I was going to get on a bus, not with the pandemic flu still spreading. It was bad enough that I was in town.

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I let the emotions flood in as I waited for Larry to arrive. Then, the reason for my emotional storm arrived.

"Are you honestly considering getting on the bus?" His tone held his anger and intolerance.

"No. I'm waiting for Larry to come pick me up."

Don sighed heavily in relief and exasperation.

He sank down, uninvited, beside me on the bench. I could feel his eyes on my profile. Finally, he spoke.

"Charlie... what I said back there... you know I was just teasing you, right? I didn't mean to upset you, Buddy."

I turned my head so that I was facing him. I could see his regret, but did he realize what he should be regretting? I doubted it.

"You realize how different we are now than when we were in high school? We're two different people. You don't seem to see the new me. Sure, high school, thirteen-year-old Charlie is still in me. But, Don, I'm not just your little brother anymore. I'm a mathematician. I'm a math consultant, not just for the FBI. I'm an applied mathematics professor. I've changed, Don. I've grown up. You have to realize that. I am capable of consulting for the NSA _and_ keeping it a secret. You haven't been around, Don. We lost touch. If we hadn't, you probably would have known by now about my consulting work. I don't want to think about when we would have reconnected if Mom hadn't gotten sick." My throat tightened just at mentioning her. "Look at me, Don. I'm not the same little kid anymore. I'm an adult. When are you going to see that?"

Don looked at me seriously. His eyes held a storm of emotions, something rarely seen. He usually hid his emotions so well. I had clearly taken him by surprise.

"Charlie... I don't know how where to begin to respond to that." He laughed nervously. He watched me quietly, taking in my seriousness.

"Charlie... I do realize I don't know you very well anymore. That's what this has shown me. But, forgive me for still seeing you as my smarty-pants kid brother who always followed me around. I can't help but think of you that way. You'll always be that way to me."

"That's it, Don! You don't have to always think of me that way. You do and I hate it. I've changed, Don. Sure, I still annoy you and look up to you more than anyone else. I still seek your approval in everything I do. But you have to look at me differently because I am different.

"Keeping secrets had never been my strong point. Don, I'm not keeping secrets from you just because you don't know something about me. It's because you haven't taken the time to learn about them. After college, I barely saw you. I'd call you, only to get your voice mail. When I left a message, you wouldn't return my call for weeks. I lost you after high school. For sixteen years it was as though I was an only child. Hell, I might as well have been." Emotions were beginning to get the best of me. I wasn't able to continue, for if I spoke another word I was sure I'd cry.

"Buddy, why haven't you said something before?"

"I shouldn't have to!" I shouted. "You should have been feeling the same way! I should have to spell it out for you. I don't want to."

I covered my face with my hands. Don didn't speak and neither did I. I looked up when I heard a car drive up to the sidewalk. Larry had made it. He got out of the car and stood beside it, leaning on the driver's door.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Charles. I was approached by a student and lost track of time."

He looked between me and Don.

"Is something wrong?"

I looked at Don and he met my gaze.

"No. Everything is fine, Larry." The lie sounded weak from my mouth.

I stood up and walked to Larry's car.

"Charlie! We can't leave it like this," Don called.

I looked back at Don.

"Yes. Yes, we can."

With that, I got in Larry's car and we drove off.

I asked Larry to drive me home. When he dropped me off, I went inside, feeling exhausted.

"Hey, kiddo! Where's Donny?" Dad said when I came in.

"Um... I'm not sure."

He nodded and looked at me closely. I was getting tired of the scrutiny.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just really tired. I think I'll just go to bed."

"You haven't even eaten dinner! Are you getting sick?" Dad immediately closed the space between us. His hands touched my forehead and cheeks.

"You do feel a little warm. You head on upstairs and get in bed. I'll fix you some soup."

"No, dad, please. I'm fine. I'm just tired, okay?"

Dad sighed and rubbed at his forehead.

"Okay. But if you start feeling worse, you holler for me, okay?"

"Okay, Dad."

"Sleep well."

I smiled reassuringly at Dad and then walked up the steps to my room.

I collapsed onto my bed, causing the springs to creak beneath my weight.

I closed my eyes, not bothering to take off my shoes or change my clothes.

I was surprised by the memories that flooded in.

_Flashback_

It had been a day since Mom had seen me. I barely knew the time, but I could tell by the two meals that had been delivered to me in that time.

I was working at one of the boards when Don walked in. I was surprised when he grabbed my arm in a tight, painful grip.

I whimpered from the pain. I tugged my arm back, but he wouldn't let go. His grip just tightened. I cried out louder.

"What gives you the right to do this? Huh? You hide out here and leave me and Dad to take care of Mom and now you too? Don't you think we have enough to deal with without you taking up our free time? No one asked you to help Mom! Dad and I could have handled that if that's what you wanted. But you don't have to make us help you, too! So why don't you just cut this crap out and starting joining the rest of the world? Get out of this damn bubble!"

I was crying brokenly. My wrist hurt from where he was tightly holding it, but his words hurt worse.

"Mom needs you, too! Hell, Dad needs you. Maybe even I need you, too! Stop being so selfish. Go to Mom! She asks about you constantly! Do you know what it's like for me to have to tell her that you're still in your own little world, not decent enough to join us and comfort your mother? She worries about you. Stop making her worry! Get out of this garage!"

I reached up with my free hand and wiped at the tears that blurred my vision. I could have made Don feel stupid then, tell him Mom saw me yesterday. She understood why I was out here. Why couldn't Don?

But Mom said he was worried about me. She said I would see more of the anger. Was this his way of saying he cared?

Don nodded. "Fine. Stay out here for all I care! It only hurts Mom. It's not like your absence really affects anyone else!"

He shoved me hard and I fell to the hard concrete floor. I cried out in pain as my head connected with one of the legs to a rolling chalkboard.

Don stormed out of the garage. I laid on the floor, holding myself as I sobbed brokenly.

I was surprised when Don came rushing back in, the anger gone from his face. He quickly sank down on the floor beside me.

"I'm so sorry, Buddy. Are you okay?"

He lifted me easily into a sitting position. He leaned me against the chalkboard behind me. He brushed my hair back where I hit my head.

"Oh, Buddy. I'm sorry. I'll go get some ice for that, okay? Stay put."

Like I was actually going to leave the safety of the garage?

I rubbed at my head, choking out a sob that made it hard to breathe.

Don returned moments later and laid an ice pack gently against my head. I wince at the cold.

"I know, Buddy."

I was surprised by Don's quick change in attitude. He went from yelling at me and hurting me to calling me "buddy." Don grabbed an old rag from one of the shelves behind us. He used it to wipe at my face.

"I am so sorry, Buddy. Please, forgive me."

I nodded.

"Talk to me, Buddy. Please."

It'd been so long since I'd talked to my older brother. I used to come to him with every problem. Until, of course, he stopped giving me advice and just told me to leave him alone.

"I... I don't think I can." My voice sounded high-pitched from the emotions.

"Come on, Charlie. We can get through this. Dad and I are here for you. Mom is, too. Just talk to us, Buddy. Let us help."

I shook my head no. I stood up, preparing to work more.

"I-I have to do this. I have to get back to the problem."

"Would you forget about that stupid problem for a few minutes! Please. Let me help you."

"I can't. I can't deal with this, Don. Not now. I just... I can't deal with it. It's too, too hard."

"Charlie, I know this is hard for you. Don't you think it's hard for me, too? It's hard for all of us. You just have to learn to deal with it. It'll still be hard, but we're here to help you. We can deal with it together. Come on, Buddy."

"N-no. I can't. I can't do it."

Don huffed a loud sigh.

"I don't get you, Charlie. You've always been closer to Mom than me. Why would you leave her now?"

I turned my back on him. I touched the board lightly with my fingertips.

"Exactly. That's why," I whispered.

Don walked up behind me and turned me around.

"It's okay, Buddy. We'll be all right."

Awkwardly, Don hugged me. His arms felt stiff around me. He never was much for hugs. Nonetheless, I hugged him back, actually welcoming the touch.

"Will you go inside with me?" Don asked once we parted.

"N-no. I... I have to do this, Don. Try to understand."

"Okay. Okay, Buddy."

Don left them. I returned to my work. Don would try to understand, but he never would get it. He never has.


	2. Don's Memory

**Don's POV**

I was surprised how far Charlie took my comment. It was just meant as a joke. I hadn't meant to upset him, but with the one comment, I opened up an old wound.

That night, I lay awake thinking about Charlie and how right he was about us. I didn't know much about him. Charlie wasn't the one who had lost touch. It was me. I remember a time when getting a call from was annoying. I was so ready to leave Mom, Dad, and Charlie behind. But how could I think they felt the same? Sure, Charlie was heading to the other side of the country for college and I stayed around California for college. But I moved elsewhere before Charlie had time to come home with Mom. I hadn't even seen her off.

An old memory came forward and I still felt the emotional pull that I had the it happened.

_Flashback_

I was surprised at how Charlie was capable of snapping out of his daze. He got out of the garage, showered and dressed for Mom's funeral. I expected him to miss it, but was pleased he'd come.

I felt my heart ache as I thought of how I had had to peel him off Mom's casket. He fell on top it, sobbing and screaming for so long I didn't think he'd stop. I finally tore him off, though he continued to sob as he was dragged away and throughout the service.

I was proud of him for his strength. Despite obvious weight loss, he still wanted to help carry Mom's casket. He did so without breaking stride. His stubborn determination reminded me of myself.

It had been ten days since Mom's funeral. To ease my pain, I buried myself in work. I stopped by the house the day after the funeral. Dad said Charlie was out in the garage. When I went out, he promised me he would only be out there for a few minutes. He was still out there the last time I had stopped by, but my main concern wasn't for him then. It was for Dad. So I hadn't bothered to check on Charlie.

As if it wasn't bad enough with all the food people brought over out of sympathy, Dad was cooking enough for an army. That I knew, he hadn't even eaten any of it. He said he was dealing, but I could see his need to use his hands. He couldn't stop, like me with my work... like Charlie with math.

I hadn't been over in five days, so I chose to come home. I needed to check on them. Dad had stopped cooking so much and was now cleaning the house vigorously.

"Where's Charlie?" I asked after he wouldn't give me much of a response.

"Out in the garage, I guess."

The fact that he wasn't positive as to Charlie's whereabouts scared me. I wondered if he had thought to check on Charlie at all.

I prepared myself for what I'd see when I opened the garage door. I opened it slowly, peering inside before I actually entered.

At first I didn't see Charlie and I wondered if he was even out there. But then I saw him in the corner of the room. His appearance frightened me.

"Hey, Buddy. How are you?" I asked guiltily as I stepped forward. I should have checked on him sooner. He reminded me of a tortured, terrified animal the way he had backed himself into the corner. I approached cautiously.

"Close the door. You'll let them in," He said shakily.

I turned and saw the door was open. I closed it, then returned to his side.

"Who would I let in?" I asked.

"The birds. They hurt me. They poke my head and tear my clothes." He rocked back and forth.

"What birds?"

"Big, black ones. The tried to poke my eyes. Don't let them in, Donny. They'll hurt you too."

Taking in the large, dark circles under his bright red eyes, I realized he was completely sleep deprived. I looked up to the chalkboards. They w ere covered in illegible scribbles. That wasn't like Charlie.

"When was the last time you slept?" I asked.

He continued to rock, holding himself tightly.

"I can't sleep. The birds will get me."

Knowing he needed sleep, I leaned down and scooped him into my arms, tossing him over my shoulder so that I could hold him by the back of his legs.

"No! The birds will get me! No! put me down!" He screamed until we were outside.

His screams became completely inhuman. He made sounds I'd never heard before. He kicked and squirmed, but I held onto him securely.

Charlie's screams seemed to be the one thing to bring Dad out of his cleaning frenzy, out of his "dealing." As I carried Charlie inside, Dad left all cleaning supplies, his focus completely on Charlie now.

I laid him down on the couch. He slapped and clawed at his body, screaming until I thought the glass would break.

When I saw he had broken the skin by clawing at himself and fearing he'd do more damage to himself, I pinned his hands above his head.

His screams only came louder and more pained. He closed his eyes and shook his head from side to side as he fought me and the imaginary birds. Tears streamed down his face.

"Ow," He cried so brokenly it hurt me.

"What's wrong with him?" Dad asked, staring down at Charlie with wide eyes.

"He's hallucinating. Dad, do we have any sleeping pills?"

He nodded, still keeping his gaze fixated on Charlie.

"Good. Go get them, please."

Dad reluctantly walked away to get them. He returned with the bottle.

"Thanks." I took the bottle from him and withdrew two pills, the required amount. I had to do it one handed to hold Charlie's hands down.

"Open you mouth, Charlie," I said in a firm tone.

He closed his lips tightly together and shook his head.

"Charlie, open your mouth. Now." My voice sounded harsher this time and he obeyed.

I placed the pills in his mouth, but he wouldn't swallow them.

"Charlie, swallow them," I spoke in the same tone.

It didn't work this time. He shook his head. When I repeated the command, he did the same thing.

I grabbed him by the chin forcefully. I locked gazes with him.

"Charlie, swallow the pills!" I demanded.

He seemed to shrink back and I saw him swallow.

"You're mean," He whispered.

I sighed. "I know."

"What do we do now?" Dad asked.

"Wait until he falls asleep."

Dad nodded. He walked around me and sat on the couch, tilting Charlie up so he was propped against Dad's lap. I released Charlie's hands, surprised when he didn't fight.

Dad wrapped his arms around Charlie's chest. Charlie grabbed onto Dad's arms in a fierce grip. I could see his nails dig into Dad's skin. He showed no sign of pain, though.

Charlie stared ahead at nothing in particular. His eyes were unfocused, but there was an intense fear in them.

"Sh, sh, sh. You're okay, now," Dad soothed Charlie.

Charlie turned in Dad's arms. Dad released him, but Charlie was just turning to face him. He pressed his face in the hollow of Dad's neck. He folded his knees up to his chest, placing his feet on the other side of Dad's legs. Dad wrapped his arms around Charlie as he began to shake, his breath coming out as pants.

"Sh, sh," Dad continued to soothe.

I walked up the stairs to my old room. I would spend the night, should Dad or Charlie need me.

Charlie slept for two days straight. I was home when he woke up, surprised to find his large brown eyes on me.

"Hey, Buddy. How you feeling?" I asked as I sat on the edge of his bed.

He shivered. "I'm okay."

"You hungry?" He nodded, so I went downstairs to see if Dad had anything for him. He fixed Charlie a ham and cheese sandwich.

"Don't let him go too fast. His stomach won't be used to that much food."

I brought Charlie his sandwich. He began to devour it immediately, as though it was his last meal.

"Slow down, Buddy. You'll make yourself sick."

Though he did slow down, he still ended up getting sick.

He stood quickly, pressing a hand to his mouth. HIs legs buckled beneath his weight and he fell to the floor. I lifted him up and, once standing, he doubled over and threw up on the hard wood floor in his room.

His legs turned to jelly, so I lifted him back to his bed, careful not to step in the contents of Charlie's stomach. He looked pale and shaky. I wondered if he would need to go to the hospital.

Dad walked in then, seeing the mess on the floor first.

He shook his head. "I told you."

He left and when he returned he had a piece of toast, a glass of 7UP and a mop.

Charlie ate the toast slowly, though I could see the hunger in his eyes.

"Sorry, Dad," He said quietly, referring to the floor.

"It's okay, kiddo," Dad said, smiling.

I regretted not coming over before it got so far. But everywhere in this house was a memory of my mother and that was hard for me to deal with.

After finishing his light meal, Charlie leaned weakly back on his bed. When Dad finished cleaning the floor, he sat beside us on the bed.

"I'm so sorry, kiddo," Dad said, leaning forward and kissing Charlie on the forehead. Charlie closed his eyes against Dad's touch.

"Get some more sleep. Maybe you can try something bigger in the morning," Dad suggested.

Charlie's stomach growled, still hungry.

Dad smiled. "Let's take it easy with the food for now. We don't want a repeat performance, do we?"

Charlie shook his head, closing his eyes as he got comfortable.

"Sleep tight, my little boy," Dad said from the doorway.

I stayed on the bed by Charlie's side.

"I'm sorry, too, Buddy."

I didn't expect him to have heard me, but he nodded.

"I'm sorry, too," He mumbled, reaching out his hand. I took it and he pulled our hands up to his face, holding them there until he fell asleep.

_End of Flashback_

Charlie's words still hit me hard. I hadn't realized how different we had become, how much had changed and how Charlie had. He was waiting for me to see it, but I never did. He had to tell me about it. How had I not seen it before?

I sighed, rubbing my temples. I had screwed up big time now. I couldn't fix it with a simple apology.

I planned out what I'd do, knowing I could find Charlie tomorrow and fix this mess... if he'd let me.


	3. Regret

**Charlie's POV**

I left early the next morning so I wouldn't have to face Dad and his obvious questioning. I wasn't as mad at Don anymore and I was beginning to regret even bringing it up. I made Don out to be a bad brother, when he was anything but. Maybe I was just a little oversensitive. It wasn't Don's fault he didn't want to spend as much time together as I did. I should have learned by now that Don wasn't as open to his feelings as I am. Why would he want to spend time with me anyway? He wouldn't understand half the things I'd tell him about myself. He'd probably make a joke about the work I'd done before I consulted with the FBI. I didn't need him to bring me down.

It usually turned out that way, though. I desperately sought his approval. His jokes, though well-intended, hurt.

I remembered high school, the worst years of my life. It hadn't helped that Don completely ignored me. The abuse was relentless, and not just the verbal.

_Flashback_

I had survived the first two months of high school by the grace of God alone. Though I was excited at first, I wasn't too fond of it now. I was happy I'd be going to school with Don, though he seemed to despise the idea.

I couldn't keep track of the many names I'd been called. I had finally stopped telling Mom every time I was called something else. She only worried and talked about moving me to a new school, or taking me out to be tutored again. I didn't want to leave, despite how mean kids were to me. I liked my teachers and I liked getting to see Don, which was about the most I could do. Don pretended he didn't know me. I had decided to go along with it. It hurt less than trying to get his attention when he'd just ignore me. After school, I waited outside for Don since I wasn't allowed to walk home alone, since I'm only ten. Don never likes being seen together, so I walk to the bus stop to meet him. Most of the kids are gone by then.

Today, though, three boys came up to me before I could leave. I didn't know them well, but I had seen them in school.

"Hey, genius. You good at math?" The redhead asked me.

I couldn't deny it. "Yes."

"Here. Do our work." The blonde shoved the papers into my hands. As easily as I would be able to do it, I knew it would be wrong.

"N-no." I answered, pushing the papers back.

"What?" The tallest asked. He was huge compared to me. He was even bigger than Donny.

"I-I can't. That would be cheating."

"We don't care. Do it or else." The tall one shoved the papers back at me.

I dug up the courage to ask, "Or else what?"

Catching me by surprise, one of them hit me hard in the face. I fell to the ground, grabbing at the side of the face where he hit me.

They stood above me, laughing.

"So, you gonna do it?" The smaller redhead asked.

"I don't want to get in trouble. I won't do it." I tried sounding brave, but the tears filling my eyes had to be giving me away. I wanted to be tough, like Donny.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" The blonde one asked. I looked over and saw that he had picked up my math notebook. It wasn't for school work, just for things going on in my head.

"Give that back!" I said, my voice sounding as scared as I felt.

"What? Is this important?" He took out several sheets and ripped them.

"Don't! I need those!" I heard for them as they dropped to the ground. I couldn't reach them because the tallest guy grabbed me by the back of the shirt. I was pulled up and held in air, my feet dangling.

"Ow. You're hurting me," I said as he held me against the wall.

"That's the point, dork."

I had to watch helplessly as the blonde ripped page after page of my notebook. Suddenly, I was dropped to the ground when the guys saw one of the teachers.

I fought to see through the blur of tears. I crawled over to my papers, sobbing with the pain and fear. I gathered them together, placing them gently back into the notebook. I tried to smooth out the wrinkles of the ones that had been balled up. All my work was ruined. I prayed they could be fixed.

I quickly gathered my papers and my backpack and tan toward the bus stop. Don wouldn't be ready yet since he was supposed to stay after class for a few minutes. I wasn't sure why.

To avoid the bullies, I hid in the bushes by the bust stop. I wiped my nose with my sleeve when I was finally safe. I tried to stop crying, to be tough, but I wasn't doing a very good job of it.

My face ached with pain. I couldn't see any blood, though. I was upset that they had ruined my work, and I still shook with fear. I was disappointed because Don hadn't come to save me. He was my hero. Heroes were supposed to be there in times of trouble, right? Lately, though, it seemed that Don hadn't didn't want to have anything to do with me. It hurt being rejected by the one person I longed to impress and be around.

"Charlie! You there?" I heard Don call. I didn't want him to see me crying. He'd think I was being a baby. If I hadn't sobbed loudly, he probably wouldn't have known where I was and would have gone home without me.

"Hey, what are you doing in there?" Don asked, trying to peak through the leaves at me.

"Go away," I sniffled.

"What? Charlie, what's the matter?"

"Nothing. Leave me alone."

Don sighed. "Charlie, we don't have time to play games here. We need to get home."

"I don't care. Leave me."

"Fine."

Don walked away, but I could see him stop, expecting me to come out. I wouldn't. After a few minutes went by, Don returned.

"Charlie, get out of there," Don growled.

"N-no." I wiped at the tears that wouldn't stop.

"Then I'm coming in and dragging you out."

Sure enough, Don's upper body poked through the bushes. At fifteen, Don would look pretty funny crawling into a grove of bushes.

He looked angry until he saw my face.

"My God, Charlie. What happened?"

"N-nothing." I looked away from him.

"Did someone hit you?"

"What would you care?"

"What do you mean? Of course I care!"

"No you don't. You hate me." I hated saying it, but I knew it was true.

"What? Buddy, I don't hate you!"

"Yes you do. You don't w ant to have anything to do with me."

"Just because I don't want to spend a lot of time with you doesn't mean I hate you."

I sniffled, trying to stop crying.

"Who did that to you?" Don asked a few minutes later.

"I-I don't know. There were three of them. They wanted me to do their homework for them. When I said I wouldn't, the hurt me and tore up my papers." I reached into my pocket and withdrew some of the worse ones.

"Oh, Buddy. I'm sorry. Were you scared?"

"I was trying to be like you," I admitted quietly.

"Like me?"

I nodded. "You're so tough and I'm not. I want to be more like you."

Don smiled at my admission.

"Come here, Buddy," Don said with open arms. I eagerly went into his arms and accepted the hug. I cried into his shirt and he held me.

"Are you hurt real bad?" Don asked as he lightly pushed me back.

"Not too bad," I replied, though it still hurt.

He smiled at me. "You're pretty tough. You know that?"

I looked up at him with glowing eyes.

"Really?"

"Really. I'm proud of you for not cheating. That took a lot of courage."

"Really?" I couldn't believe all the wonderful things Don was telling me.

"Yep. You ready to go home?"

I nodded and accepted his hand as he pulled me out.

"Do we have to tell Mom?" I asked sheepishly.

Don smiled. "Not if you don't want to."

I nodded. If Mom knew I got beat up, she'd take me out of school for sure.

"Hey, Charlie, you know I love you, right? Even though I ignore you a lot, that doesn't mean I hate you. You're my brother. I could never hate you."

I smiled because Don told me he loved me. I hadn't heard him say that in so long.

"I love you, too, Donny."

Don reached over and ruffled my hair. I swatted his hand away.

Don ended up telling Mom that I had been hit with a locker door. She had believed him. And the next day, after I described the ones who hurt me to him, Don got in trouble for starting a fight. As always, he was my hero.

End of Flashback

I felt even worse as I remembered how Don had always been there for me. If he knew I needed him, he would be there. Just because he doesn't know I need him now doesn't mean he wouldn't be there for me. All I had to do was say when and he'd be there. I felt miserable for making Don think himself a bad brother. I knew he'd be thinking that and he didn't need to be. He had no reason to.

Though it still didn't make up for the lack of communication between us after high school and college, Don still was a wonderful brother. He was my protector. He was my backup. He took care of me when I forgot to take care of myself. How could I have been so stupid?

I pounded my fist on a chalkboard in my office. I felt my knuckles split open, but I didn't care. I deserved some pain. I cried out in frustration. It was as though I had come across an unsolvable math problem. Don was so much better than I made him out to be. What was a few years apart between brothers?

It wasn't fair. I wasn't fair. I should never have opened my big, whiny mouth. How could I have thrown aside every moment that Don had helped me, saved me? How could I have pretended they'd never happened and make myself out to be so unloved? Don had a right to his privacy. Who cares if he didn't want to know the details of my private life? We had still seen each other over the years. We didn't have to spend every day together to be close.

I sighed as I sank down in the chair behind my desk. It wasn't going to be easy telling Don all this. But it was necessary. Don deserved praise for being such a good brother. He's been working with me a lot lately. Without him, I probably wouldn't have a job consulting with the FBI. Had I bothered to take the time to thank him?

I groaned as I buried my face in my hands. I'd have to make it up to him some how.

I just hoped he'd still come over some time so I could tell him how sorry I am.


	4. A Broken Promise

**Don's POV**

I banged my head against the wall of the shower in frustration. How could I be so blind? How could I be so insensitive toward Charlie's feelings? I was horrible. Charlie was hurting, really hurting, and I never even noticed. He had to practically shout at me so I could see it. I'm supposed to be the observant one, right? My job demanded me to be thorough. But when it came to my own brother, I might as well have been blind.

I let the hot water pour down my back as I hunched over, leaning on the wall. I was once a gain reminded of how awful I'd been to Charlie, how I had broken a promise... one I had never really intended to keep.

_Flashback_

"Eppes," I barked into the phone. I wasn't in the mood for phone calls. I was finally on a break from work and I didn't want to be called in or bothered by some of the rookies who needed my help.

"Don? It's Mom," My mother spoke softly.

"Mom! How are you? Is everything all right?" I felt a moment of panic, one that could easily be avoided if I just called my family every once in a while.

"Hi, honey. I'm doing fine. I was wondering about you."

"Me? I'm fine."

"Have you gotten a break from work lately?"

I groaned inwardly. If I told her I was on a break now, she'd find a way to hassle me into coming home. Though I had almost two weeks off, I really didn't want to spend it being bombarded with questions from my parents.

"Um, yeah, actually, I'm on a break now." I knew I couldn't lie to my mother. She knew me too well for that.

"Really? Good. I know you probably don't feel like coming home, since it's your time off, but I think you need to."

"And why's that?"

"Charlie needs you." Again, I felt panic rise in me over my little brother who I hadn't seen since last Christmas.

"Charlie? Is he okay?"

"Charlie insists he is, but I know better. He's gotten too quiet. He's still working on his doctorate, you know. He spends most of his time in the solarium working, but something is bothering him. I think he misses you. In fact, I'm sure of it."

"Mom..."

"Don't 'Mom' me. Your brother needs you. Family should be your top priority, though I know it hasn't been for quite some time now."

Even without seeing me in so long, Mom knew me too well.

"Okay, Mom. I'll be home tomorrow. Satisfied?"

"Yes, but don't get that tone with me. It'll be good to see you, sweetheart."

"It'll be nice seeing you, too, Mom."

"Okay. Well, you get some sleep. You sound exhausted. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

"Love you, too, Mom."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I groaned as soon as I hung up the phone. This was not how I wanted to spend my vacation.

The next morning I got up at four o'clock, knowing I'd have a twelve hour drive ahead of me. I should have booked a flight, but it was too short of notice. Besides, that would give me less time to spend at home. As much as I loved my family, I wasn't exactly in the mood to spend a lot of time with them.

I stopped once for breakfast, then continued down the road. I had to pull over to read my map. I hated trying to drive from Albuquerque to LA.

At four o'clock, I arrived home, having skipped lunch. I wasn't hungry, but I was tired and stiff from the drive.

Dad came rushing out when I arrived.

"Donny! How are you?" He enveloped me in a hug almost immediately after I got out of the car.

"Hey, Dad. I'm fine. You wanna help me with the bags?"

"Sure, sure."

Dad followed me to the back of the car and I popped open the trunk of my SUV. I had only packed two bags, not sure how long I'd stay.

As I reached the steps, the door flew open and Mom tackled me in a hug. I had to brace myself to keep us from falling over.

"Oh, it's so good to have you home." Mom kissed my cheek.

"Hi, Mom." I smiled. It did feel good being so welcomed home.

"Where's Charlie?" I asked once we stepped inside.

"Upstairs in the solarium. As usual."

I was annoyed that Charlie hadn't come down to see me. If he missed me so much, wouldn't he come see me? I took it as one of Mom's plans just to bring me home, knowing I had a soft spot for those in need of my help.

Mom must have read my look. "He still misses you."

I nodded.

I walked into the living room and sank down on the couch.

"Rough drive?" Dad asked as he came in to sit in the arm chair across from me.

"Yeah. Traffic wasn't too bad. I left at four in the morning."

"You made pretty good time then."

I heard Mom walked up the steps and talk to Charlie through the door. When she came down, I noticed she and Dad shared a worried look.

"Still nothing?"

She shook her head. "I don't know why he won't come out."

"Is the door unlocked?"

"Yes, thankfully. That really scared me when he locked it."

"Wait a minute. Charlie locked himself in the solarium?" I asked, wondering what was going on that made Charlie isolate himself from Mom and Dad.

"He's too stressed. I knew he shouldn't have taken those summer classes. He's only twenty," Mom said, wringing her hands nervously.

"Calm down, Margaret, you're overreacting. He's fine. We know where he is, we know he's eating. He's right where we need him to be. Besides, he's on break now. He probably just misses school."

"I'll go talk to him," I said, standing.

"Would you? Maybe he'll listen to you. Wait, I take that back, he always listens to you." Mom smiled, hopeful. She stood up and went to the kitchen.

"Here. Bring him a sandwich. He probably won't come down for dinner."

I took it from her. "Sure, Mom."

I walked up the stairs, hearing Mom and Dad continue to talk about Charlie. What had he been doing up here?

When I reached the door to the solarium, I opened it quietly. Charlie was sitting on the love seat, looking like he didn't know the rest of the world existed. He was lost in thought when I came over to sit by him.

"Hey, Buddy. Long time no see," I said conversationally as I sat beside him.

He made no move that showed me he heard me.

"Mom made you a sandwich." I placed it in his overturned hands. He grabbed it and stood. I watched him walk to the corner of the room. I stretched my neck up to see what he was doing. He opened a box and I saw it was filled with sandwiches. He threw the sandwich inside.

"Charlie... have you been eating lately?"

He shook his head "no," though I wasn't sure he was shaking it at me.

"Charlie?"

He moved around the room strangely. He touched certain things, then walked to the front of the room to one of the chalkboards. He wrote down a list of ten twenties, then wrote certain numbers below them, their value lost to me.

"Charlie?" I tried again.

He continued to write, showing no sign that he knew I was even in the room.

"Charlie!" I screamed. He jumped, startled. He turned and looked at me with wide eyes. He gazed at me from head to toe, then squinted his eyes at me suspiciously.

"You're not really here, are you?" He asked.

"What? Charlie, yeah, I'm here."

He stepped forward, eyeing me closely. He poked my shoulder.

"Don?"

"Yeah, Buddy, it's me."

"You're here."

"Yes, I'm here." This was getting old.

He smiled slightly and I saw tears in his eyes.

"You okay?" I asked.

He nodded, his back to me.

I stood and walked up beside him.

"What's with the twenties?" I asked, though I probably wouldn't understand it, even if he explained it to me.

"It's my twentieth birthday."

I gasped. _Damn it._ I had forgotten. Sure enough, it was September 5. I had forgotten my own brother's birthday. I hadn't done much for his birthday since I left home, but I had always sent a card or called.

"Happy birthday," I said, laughing shakily.

He nodded. "Thanks."

"Charlie, what is this all about? Why are you in here?"

"Twelve weeks ago."

"What?"

"Twelve weeks ago. That's when it started. I'm scared."

I thought back twelve weeks, coming up with nothing.

"What happened twelve weeks ago?"

"We got a call."

"What about?"

"You were shot."

_Oh._

"Charlie, it was nothing. I mean, the bullet just barely grazed my arm. I don't even have a scar. See?" I rolled up the sleeve to my t-shirt to prove it to him.

"It was the first time I really realized how much danger you were in with your job. I just don't want to think about what would happen next time."

"Buddy, it's just a part of the job. It's the only time I even came close to getting shot. Sure, it'll happen again, but I realize that. I don't care. It's my job, and I'm happy doing it."

"I'm not."

"Well, too bad. Last time I checked, you weren't the boss of what I do," I snapped angrily. I felt guilty when I saw Charlie flinch.

"It's okay. I don't expect you to change jobs just for me. But... I haven't been able to find a way to handle it."

"What's to handle? Charlie, you're not giving me enough credit. I'm pretty damn good at my job. I know how to take care of myself."

"Yeah. You do. You've had enough practice." He looked over at me and for the first time I realized Charlie wasn't blind to what we went through as kids. He understood what I went through.

"I'm sorry," He said quietly, looking guilty.

"Oh, Buddy. No. Don't be sorry. Hey, I'm okay. It's not that big of a deal. Really."

"It is, Don. I'm sorry I stole Mom and Dad's attention when we were younger. Maybe if I hadn't..."

When he wouldn't continue, I probed him on. "Then what? What would have changed?"

He looked up at me with tears about to fall from his eyes. "Maybe you'd come over more."

I felt the guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. I hadn't realized how much it had bothered him when I didn't come home. I had created a new life for myself, one that my family was hardly a part of. Sure, I kept in touch, came over for important holidays when I could. But no "just because" occasions. I was rarely the one to call, unless it was important.

"Buddy... I am so sorry." I reached out to touch him, but he brushed past me, ducking his face away from my view.

"Don't be. I understand. You probably didn't want to have anything to do with me. I invaded your high school, took up Mom and Dad's time, stole their attention from you. You probably never wanted a brother anyway." He laughed bitterly.

"Charlie, stop. That's not it at all."

"It's hard, you know? I worry when we haven't heard from you in so long. What if something happens to you? Who will tell us? Our number probably isn't the first on your cell phone, is it?"

I felt guilty. It wasn't.

"We wouldn't be able to reach you. I don't want to worry when we go months without hearing from you. You can't imagine the events that play out in my mind, all the scenarios that I imagine could have happened to you."

Charlie closed his eyes and shook his head, as though an image was playing at the moment.

"I understand, though. Who'd want to talk to me after all I put you through when we were younger?" He smiled, but it looked fake with his sad eyes.

I stepped toward him when he just stood there. I had never imagined what my absence was doing to Charlie. I knew Mom and Dad worried about me, but I never though Charlie would too. From the looks of it, he worried more than Mom and Dad.

"Buddy, I-I'm sorry I haven't been around much. Please, stop blaming yourself. It's not you. I...I just really like my job, and it requires a lot of my time. I don't have time to come home for a lot of time, unless it was only for a day or two. I take my job seriously and I work hard at it."

"I know," He said quietly. I turned him so he'd be facing me. He dropped his gaze to the floor, hiding his soulful eyes that showed exactly how he was feeling.

"Promise me you won't blame yourself if I don't come home for a while. I just get really busy, you know? It's no one's fault. It's the job."

"Okay," He whispered. I tilted his chin up so I could see his eyes. They didn't look quite as sad, but rather defeated.

"You have to promise me something, too," Charlie said with more strength in his words.

"What's that?" I asked, smiling at him.

"You have to at least call. I don't care how busy you are. It doesn't take that much time out of your day to give us a quick call."

I smiled. "You got it."

"Good."

"You want to head downstairs? It smells like dinner's almost ready."

"Sure."

When we reached the door, Charlie turned to look up at me.

"You forgot it was my birthday, didn't you?"

There was no denying it. I nodded. "Yeah. I'm so sorry."

He shrugged it off, but I saw a flash of pain in his eyes.

"Hey." I stopped him.

He turned back to look at me.

"I'm sorry. I-I was so busy grumbling about coming home that I forgot. Forgive me?"

Charlie studied me closely.

"You didn't want to come home?"

_Now you've done it._

"Um, yeah. I just... it wasn't how I planned on spending my time off, you know?"

"Sure."

I groaned.

"Charlie..."

"No, no. It's fine. Let's go eat."

Before he could escape downstairs, I grabbed him by the arm. He looked up at me, surprised, and I hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry," I said softly by his ear.

Charlie sank into the hug, squeezing back.

"It's okay." This time it was more reassuring to me.

"You sure?" I asked, pushing him back so I could see his face.

He nodded, smiling.

"Good." I squeezed his shoulder as we headed to the steps. I went down first and I could see the surprise on Mom and Dad's faces when Charlie stepped into the living room behind me.

"Is it time to eat?" I asked after they seemed to get over the shock.

"Yes. Everything is ready. We were just waiting on you," Mom said, not taking her eyes off Charlie.

Mom and Charlie went to the dining room. Dad grabbed me by the shoulder and pulled me over to him.

"How do you do it?" He asked, sounding mesmerized.

I smiled. "Just a little big brother magic."

Dad chuckled and we walked side-by-side into the dining room.

_End of Flashback_

I had broken the promise less than a year later, losing contact with them more and more. Charlie called after the first few months I stopped calling, but I rarely called him back. What fear must he have been going through due to my lack of communication? He was right. It didn't take that much time out of my day to give them one simple phone call.

How would I fix this?


	5. Forgiveness

**This chapter is dedicated to luvnumb3rs, for being my most dedicated reviewer. Thank you for sticking with me!**

**Charlie's POV**

My classes weren't due to start for three hours. I shouldn't have come so early. But facing Dad was out of the question. He knew me too well to not pick up on how something was bothering me. Why didn't I go to Don's apartment? I could have settled this once and for all. Then I wouldn't be sitting here, worrying about how I've messed up my already fragile relationship with my brother.

I went through a list of things Don has done for me, weighing them against the bad.

Don protected me in school. He took care of me when we were little and I'd have nightmares. He's always been my protector. He came home when he knew something was bothering me. He took care of Mom with Dad when I was too confused and scared to do anything. He took care of me when he already had to take care of Mom. Except for a few brief times, he's never used my absence during Mom's illness as a comeback. He lets me work with him for the FBI. He's patient when I have trouble understanding something the FBI does.

The list could go on. Sure, Don became absent from my life after college, save for a few times. And, yeah, he doesn't understand how I'm capable of keeping a secret about consulting for the NSA. He doesn't get the math I do and doesn't really seem to want to. But we're two very different people. I should know that by now. Don isn't going to feel the same about everything I do. Instead of fighting Don for being different, I should be able to grow up and deal with my emotions.

Don had become so distant from me around the time he was 13. I think it was then that he realized I was going to take up Mom and Dad's attention. It was then that he became so independent. From then on, he took care of himself, depending on no one else to help him. The sad thing was Mom and Dad didn't seem to notice, though I know they picked up on it later, but by then, it was too late. It hadn't taken me long to figure it out. Since I did, I've felt guilty about it. Don didn't deserve to be so alone. It was too late to fix it, though. Don didn't accept help from anyone, unless it was an extreme situation, and even then he did it grudgingly.

I felt tears come to my eyes. I wiped at them with the back of my hand. I cleared my throat as I took out my cell phone.

I dialed Don's number, preparing my apology, only to hear it ring right outside my door.

**Don's POV**

I lingered outside the door to Charlie's office, giving myself a pep talk. I knew he would be in his office, avoiding Dad. It was typical Charlie. Sure, I could know that about him, but it was a simple fact. What did I really know about my brother?

I was about to give up and walk away quietly when my cell phone rang. I jumped, startled since I was trying so hard to be quiet. Though I already had feeling I knew who it was, I looked down at the screen on my cell phone to see who was calling. Charlie.

The ringing stopped, telling me Charlie heard and hung up. I took a deep breath in preparation, then walked into Charlie's office.

Charlie was standing at the front of his desk, watching the doorway, knowing I'd come in. Our gazes locked and we stood there for a long time, just looking at each other, until we both found our voices at the same time.

"I'm sorry," We said in unison.

I smiled slightly at what happened. Charlie didn't. He looked like he was fighting tears.

"Please... let me start. You have nothing to apologize for," Charlie said, his voice full of seriousness.

"Okay." I couldn't understand why Charlie was apologizing, why he thought I didn't have any reason to. I would get my say, no matter what he thought. I had my apologies to say, too.

I took the seat in front of his desk and looked up at Charlie. He moved around the desk and pulled his chair so that it was in front of mine, without the desk in between us. I noticed his hands were shaking before he clasped his hands together.

"I'm so sorry, Don. I-I should never have said all those things to you. You didn't deserve that. I made you out to be a horrible brother. But, Don, I don't think I could ask for a better brother. I can't keep track of the times you've been there for me. My only regret is that I haven't been able to be there for you. Though that's your fault for not being open, it's also mine for being a part of why you are the way you are now."

_Why I am the way I am now? What's he talking about?_

"Maybe you don't realize it," Charlie mused, catching my confused expression, "but you changed around the time you turned thirteen. It was my fault. I-I stole so much of Mom and Dad's attention. They put so much effort into me and my education. You were left to fend for yourself most of the time. Sure, Mom and Dad still loved you equally and they'd do anything for you, but after that, you never asked anything of them. You never asked them to come to your games or any of your school events. I came to all of your baseball games when I could, knowing Mom and Dad wouldn't, except for a few times."

"Wait, wait, wait. You came to my baseball games?"

He nodded. "Every one I could. I think I missed five."

"In how many years?"

"Since you started in little league."

"So, for six years you came to my ball games without me knowing?"

"Well, when I was younger, I made Mom and Dad come, too. But, after a while, I was able to go with our neighbor, Henry Baker. You remember him, don't you?"

"Mom and Dad knew you came?"

"Well, when I was older, I went by myself. Let's get back to the subject, okay?"

I nodded, though I still couldn't believe he'd been to my games. I always felt like I didn't have a support system at my games, no one there to cheer me on. When all that time, Charlie had been there to cheer me on.

"I guess you realized Mom and Dad weren't going to be able to be there for you, so you were there for yourself. You seemed to resent me for taking their attention, which I misinterpreted at the time as you hating me."

"Buddy, I-"

"I know. You never hated me. it wasn't until I was fifteen that I caught on to what you were going through. It made me feel really guilty. Mom and Dad realized it later than I did, and I think they tried to make up for it when you were older. But so many times you turned down their offers to come home, times when they had something special planned for you. I know they felt guilty about it. Dad still does, I'm sure.

"I should realize by now that we're different. That's no reason to take that out on you. You're so good at hiding your feelings. But with me, I might as well hold up a sign saying how I feel. It's obvious what I'm feeling most the time, and when it isn't, I make it so.

"I'm sorry that I got so emotional on you. It's not your fault that you lost touch with us. I see now how time-consuming your job is. You had other things to do. I understand that. And just because you don't want to know what went on in my life in the time we spent apart doesn't make you a bad brother. It's not all that interesting any way. While it did hurt when you joked about my keeping secrets, I know that's all it was meant as. It was just a joke. I'm sorry I took it so far."

I sighed as I leaned forward. He had so many things wrong, while others he had completely right. How did he understand me so well when I found it so hard to understand him?

"Charlie, I'm glad you told me what you did. I'm paid to be observant, to pick up on things most people would overlook. It's part of my job. But, as you can see, I'm not that observant when it comes to my own brother. I'd like to change that, but I'm not sure I can.

"I do think you're right about me. I did realize Mom and Dad were going to focus on you more than me around that time. Yeah, I resented you for a while after that. But, I grew up. I knew you couldn't help it. It was Mom and Dad's problem, not yours. You didn't chose to be brilliant. It did take me a while to figure that out, though. By then, we'd lost touch. We'd already lost precious time because of my stubborn resentment. I feel badly about that. I mean, it wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have taken it out on you.

"That's where you were wrong. I didn't stay away because I wanted to take care of myself. I was being selfish. I was spending all my time alone. I had a completely different life, one that my family was barely a part of. It shouldn't have been that way, but I couldn't face coming home when you were all so nice and loving. And there I was, cold, distant, unworthy of your love. I buried myself in the job. It became my life. And I chose to keep my family out of it because of a childish hurt. It's one of _my_ biggest regrets."

Charlie nodded, taking it in. I could see an argument on his lips, but I wouldn't let him fight me on the truth.

"Just because I haven't taken the time to learn what went on in your life when we were apart doesn't mean I don't want to know about it. Who did you consult for? What classes did you take in college? Who did you date? Where did you go? I want to know these things. Forgive me for not being so open to ask them.

"It was meant as a joke when I talked about you keeping secrets. I was just going off the information on you from our childhood. It was wrong of me to go off old information, one that must not be true anymore."

We stared at each other for several long moments.

"Charlie, I'm sorry. You shouldn't be apologizing for telling me how you feel. It was unfair of me to stomp all over you like that. I should have tried to catch up with you long ago. I'm sorry I didn't."

Charlie shook his head and I saw a tear slide down the side of his face. He paid it no attention.

"You shouldn't be sorry. I-I-I was so annoying when we were younger. I was always bothering you with things you didn't even want to hear about. It's perfectly understandable that you didn't want to-" I interrupted him.

"Charlie! Did you listen to what I said? It wasn't just about you. I was wrapped up in my own world, my new life. I wanted to get away from you, Mom, and Dad. I was still upset over Mom and Dad focusing only on you. It was stupid and childish of me to think that way!"

Charlie looked up and I saw misery in his eyes.

"You wanted to get away from me?"

I sighed. "That came out wrong. Buddy, you're fine that way you are. I was messed up back then. I just wanted to wallow in self pity over my rough childhood, though there really wasn't anything wrong with it. I don't know how to make this wrong. I was stupid. I was wrong. I should never have stayed away for so long. I missed out on so much of your life, of Mom and Dad's, too. I wish I could get that time back."

I was surprised when Charlie suddenly jumped out of his chair and tackled me in a hug. I held him back, after recovering from the shock.

"I forgive you," he whispered.

"I forgive you, too, Buddy."

I felt a slight dampness in the shoulder of my shirt. When Charlie leaned back, I saw tears still streaming down his face. I tried to hide the ones in my eyes.

"I'm sorry," Charlie said, gesturing to the shirt.

"Forget about it," I said, waving his comment off.

I stood up and looked at Charlie.

"Come on. I'll treat to breakfast."

He grinned and stood with me. We'd catch up some over breakfast, but I knew I had a long way to go before I'd heard the whole story.

_Later that day..._

I walked into the house, smelling chicken and dumplings cooking from the kitchen. I heard dishes being moved around, clanking together at times. I followed the sound, knowing I had to talk to Dad.

Dad was setting out plates on the table, preparing to fill them with food when I walked in. I had told Charlie to give us a minute when I passed him in the living room. He decided to go upstairs, giving us our privacy.

"Donny! You surprised me!" He said when I stepped into the doorway.

I stood there, silent. He set down the plate he was holding.

"What's the matter?" He asked.

I stepped quickly into my father's arms, holding him around the waist. It was an awkward display of affection, for me at least.

"I forgive you," I said by his ear.

"For what?"

"For paying more attention to Charlie than me when we were growing up. It's okay. I forgive you."

"Oh, Donny." Dad's arms tightened around me. I heard him begin to cry as he held me tightly.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to hear that. We-your mother and I-felt so guilty about it for so long. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, Dad. I'm sorry I wasn't around for so long."

"I forgive you, Donny. Your mother and I always understood."

I heard a sound behind us, and turned to see Charlie standing in the doorway, tears in his eyes.

"Come here," I said, motioning over.

For the first time in a long time, we shared a group hug. Our burdens were lifted, knowing we each forgave each other. It felt good.

Dad pulled back, wiping at his eyes.

"Let's eat. What do you say?"

Charlie and I grinned at each other and nodded.

I laughed. "Yeah. That sounds good."


End file.
